Treating your car to a car wash in the middle of January is an activity most often neglected here in Minnesota. No sense in washing your car when the water will simply freeze to your windshield. So when Darrin and I found ourselves basking in Sunday’s balmy, 38 degree sunshine, we jumped at the opportunity to take our little Corolla to the cleaners before the temperatures dropped below freezing.
We had two choices: either wait in the obnoxiously long car wash line at the shiny new gas station, or be the first in the car wash line at the run-down, does-anybody-even-work-here gas station on the secluded corner off the highway. Obviously we chose to venture to the questionable station on the corner because of a little something I like to call “The Fast-Pass Effect”: NO LINES PEOPLE. NO. LINES. No waiting. No need worry about whether or not your patience would be tested while sitting in line. We had found the Disney World of the winter car washing season and could zoom right on up to the front. Sure, that semi-creepy gas station would have been the perfect place to shoot a horror film or kidnap an unsuspecting couple hoping to have their car washed but OH MY GOSH NO LINES NO LINES LET’S GO.
Darrin pressed what he thought were the right buttons, paid for the car wash, and eased our slushy car onto what we also thought was the conveyor belt. But the flashing lights and loud buzzing noises that usually tell you when to stop driving your car never flashed or buzzed or made themselves known, so we drove our car way too far forward and started receiving a car wash that only scrubbed half of our tiny car. So Darrin put the Corolla in reverse riiiight in the middle of the soap cycle, triggering some kind of off switch and forcing us to exit the car wash without having rinsed off the soap — soap that was dripping and drying and crusting and scumming our already dirty car.
You can bet we looked reeeeeeal cool pulling out of that car wash garage. Good thing that sketchy car wash had used clear soap on our black Corolla so that the scum wasn’t entirely noticeable OH WAIT IT WAS PINK AND PURPLE.
So we drove back to that long line of dirty cars at the fancy new gas station and patiently waited for our turn to clean off that dried soap scum covering our vehicle. Hopefully our car wash incompetence went unnoticed by the rest of the gas station crowd…
Darn you Disney World and your Fast-Pass mentality.